Evidence

Yesterday God showed up.


I awoke late from the midnight release of Marvel Vs Capcom 3 at the store and was too exhausted to go to the mens lunch Bible Study. I should have gone, but I felt like I could barely keep my eyes open, let alone move, so I decided to go ahead and sleep in.

Missing that spiritual boost for the day, I headed to work without consuming enough of God's Word first. So I was tired, cranky and spiritually hungry. I always ask God to bless the work of my hands and give me favor with my customers and manager, but without the preparation of my soul, I felt my words with God were shallow and without heart.

I went into work only to find us annoyingly busy. We had a ton of stuff to do and my heart and mind were not in the right place. Instead of looking at each customer as a good thing, I saw them as a nuisance. Customers who treated me flatly or ignored me when I spoke to them felt to me as if they were aggressively rude instead of just disinterested. I, of course, corrected their behavior with my own carefully calculated, jabbing comments which only furthered to hurt sales for the day effectively making me even MORE stressed out.

As I shift through this time of transition at the store, I'm trying to keep up high performance and numbers to guarantee the promotion I need so desperately, so yesterday felt like an attack on my entire immediate future.

As you can probably deduce, this was all in my head. My manager was in a good mood, the store was doing fine, my future was not in danger at all- I just had this overwhelming sensation that the world was attacking me and so I was seeing everything through that panicked lens.

At about 30 minutes to close when I finally had my break, I decided to just stop. Well honestly I believe God was yelling into my mind, telling me to stop, and I finally listened.

I realized in that moment of quietness that nothing else mattered. Not my store, not my job, not my annoying customers- just this. This quietness with God. After a few moments, He started recanting the following truths in my life;

I am a son of God,
I have a family who loves me no matter what,
I have been given this job,
my manager has already spoken to me about my promotion and likes me as a person,
the sales that I get are only temporary and all I can do is do my best,
and each customer is an opportunity to love a new person regardless of how they act.

I walked back out into the store feeling like a different person. Freedom from worry is one of the biggest blessings we have as
Christians and I don't choose to enjoy it enough. The rest of the evening was completely different. I had good customers, was in a good mood and actually enjoyed the rest of my time working.

But thats not where God actually showed up to me.

I got home and had been listening to a Mars Hill podcast about the Resurrection and was completely uplifted when I noticed on my phone that I had a message on FaceBook from a lady at church. Her note read that she "felt impressed by God to write to you tnight to tell you how much you mean to our church and my family." She continued on to encourage me in who I was and how she hopes God keeps me at Northside because of how much she loves me and knows God works through my life.

Somehow, a lady across the city that I only talk to one a week, felt I needed to be reminded of God's work in my life and wanted to encourage me at the EXACT TIME that I needed it. NO ONE KNEW I WAS HAVING A BAD DAY. I hadn't whined to anyone yet and somehow this lady said the exact words I needed to hear.

That's evidence of a real, loving, and really good God.

Florida. Who knew?

I figured I'd try and start this blog back up again. And no its not for you, the all important reader, but rather for me. I have decided I want to document my days, as boring as they might be, so that I can look back and track where my mind has been over the year. So while I hope someone would get something out of my words, It isn't important or necessary.

So today, Monday, Valentines Day 2011

As of lately, I have been thinking about my future often. My goal is to work here in Jacksonville until I have enough to move out west to Vancouver WA where a small film institute awaits my enrollment.

As I think through why I am moving, a large part of my heart says "because I want to live with and near my friends." Where this isn't a bad thing, I still find myself wondering is it the right thing?

I know I'm not "wasting my time" here. I have been privileged to speak several times, gain new leadership skills through work, increase my resume and build new relationships along the way. God has continued to show me his favor and work in my life and more of those moments and stories are worth a lifetime of waiting to discover, while its only taken me a few months.

The blessing of the constantly self analyzing mind I believe God gave has been both a light and a fog for guiding my decisions. I realize my true intentions for moving quite openly. I realize the value in that decision, and I realize the freedom I have to make that decision is part of the beauty of God's love.

But,

I also realize realize I can't live my life based on following those I love alone.

But...Can't I? Aren't relationships the only eternal thing we have in our life? Wont all my achievements, success, careers and financial gains die and fade away along with my body?

This is where I have landed: That maybe I want to live differently than my parents and the rest of America. Maybe forgetting about success for tomorrow and focusing on the gift of other people in my life today can be even more fulfilling than financial security and comfort.